It has been a few days I know. I have been crazy busy. Although this post will probably say 4 days ago I am actually doing it Friday. The weekend seems like it will be uneventful and actually sort of disappointing because I have a paper due next week. I have got senioritis except for the Masters Degree version. I am regularly annoyed with the fact that I even have to attend class. I just feel like I have been in school forever.

Anyways, back to the whole baby talk thing. My mood changes daily. At this point I am totally uninterested in having a second child anytime in the next few months. I thought about the idea of having one more summer to not be pregnant and all the things that go with that (exhaustion, feeling pukey, growing out of all my cute summer clothes etc.). I also thought about the fact that I am not ready to be "fragile" again. I dont want people saying "oh you cant do that you are pregnant." I am not talking like drinking, or narcotics or anything but like playing sports, or drinking a can of pop once in awhile, or having a little tuna, or feta cheese. Sounds ridiculous but all of the above were mentioned to me by the "professionals" you know those people who think they know it all about pregnancy but either they had kids and just think they know or they havent and just havent had any experience being there before so they go off of what they heard. I want one more summer of playing softball without having to get a pinch runner, although my teammates would probably appreciate that because I am slow. Since it has been about 9 months since I started this diet and have lost 55lbs, I would like to enjoy it.
Anyways my mood changes daily so check back tomorrow and I may want to procreate next week who knows.

Later

Short but sweet

Well not much time to write today but I have to say that the weekend was uneventful other than the 10 (I counted) poopy diapers Emma had. She is having a bad reaction to the antibiotics for a sinus infections so she has been pretty miserable. I also am super stoked (is that a cool word anymore) about my new kitchen that Michelle O. is designing for me. She not only picked really great stuff but she also is within my modest budget. I am so thankful for the gift of talented friends. Well that is all for today. I will have possibly a little more time tomorrow so that I can write more about my thoughts on life.

Happy Monday!

Weekend woes

Emma is such a character I swear. She is becoming an independent, talkative little being at the ripe age of 15 months. I am just amazed because she babbles and babbles, while she talks with her hands. It is just the funniest thing. She definitely has a bunch to say apparently.
The weekend isnt looking to great for spending quality time with family though. Tonight I go out to eat at the Canoe Club Restaurant in Orland and it is also Billy's poker night with the guys from church (yeah I know church poker games but actually it promotes bonding and there is no money involved just chips). Tomorrow Billy works all day but hopefully the evening will stay pretty free. Then Sunday is church and then Michelle O. said she would come by and measure for my cabinets. So that pretty much leaves about 7 hours for just family time which honestly is no where near enough. That is also why my house is a disaster and I have about 5 unfinished projects in my house because I want to spend every minute not working or at school with my family. Undivided attention is what I think is necessary. My daughter is good at letting me know when I am not doing that. She normally wrap herself around my leg and not let go until I sit down and play or she will just start whining about any little thing. Either way she makes it clear.
I really dont have much more to say today. Im sure Monday will be a much better day for blogging because the situation that I speak of on my February 7th post is once again happening on Sunday. This whole situation just remains interesting.

Valentines Day Redemption

There are now officially 3 people who know that I have a blog. I told the third today sort of in passing so Michelle if you are reading this you are probably now fully aware that this blog is nothing more than me rambling about my world. It is fine though. The people who know about this are people that I would have told anyways so in reality it is all still good. If anything it gives insight to my mood for the day and for all three of you this information can be beneficial. :)
Soooo Valentines Day.
Well originally Valentines Day sucked and I was just going to leave it at that. No card, no flowers, no dumb heart shaped box of chocolate. Just a unenthusiastic Happy Valentines Day on the way home from work. Let me clarify though...... the sucky part of Valentines Day really stems from my own expectations not being met which technically allows me to only be half mad at Billy. We had agreed originally that we would not be getting eachother anything but after last Wednesday and the whole ticket incident he made it clear that I deserved a really nice Valentines Day gift, AND I also broke the rule and bought him a gift that I gave to him Friday night. Sooooo I assumed (and we all know what assuming does) he would just know to get me something. Well that didnt happen. I made it clear that I wasn't mad just disappointed and it was my own fault because the agreement was no gifts. I could tell that even though I wasnt mad or acting disappointed or anything Billy was disappointed in himself. So Wednesday came and both Billy andI have class Wednesdays. He calls me when I am on my way home and says he stayed home tonight because I felt bad about not doing anything for Valentines Day so he made me my favorite dinner that he makes (lemon chicken) and put the majority of the laundry away, did the dishes, and cleaned Emma's toys up. It was very nice. It was just an all around pleasant thing. He told me that he didnt get me flowers because he is now aware that that is not my love language. To help you understand this....there is a book out called the 5 languages of love and my small group went over a study on it. We found that my love language is acts of service while his is more words of affirmation. It is an excellent book and really opens my eyes to the way to make a marriage work and work well. Okay that was my plug. Back to V-Day, so he was absolutely right. Flowers are nice but a gift that shows he cares is helping me with some of my everyday tasks. He definitely made my Valentines Day special even though about 24 hours late. Better late then never.

So this whole baby itch thing is getting to me again. Just when I thought I was sure that waiting until after July was when I was ready for Baby #2 one of my good friends decides that she is now trying to get pregnant. Aahhhh the fun and excitement of knowing that "this time" might be the time conception happens. I think that is what is drawing me in to wanting to be pregnant again. I honestly am not ready for the baby #2 yet. It is the excitement of getting the positive pregnancy test, feeling the baby move, wondering whether it will be a boy or a girl, wondering when I will go into labor, and whether this one will have my nose or toes or whatever. I no without a doubt that the lack of sleep, sore nipples, post partum depression or what I call "werewolf syndrome" (I will save that explanation for a later blog), are all things I am in no way ready for or willing to deal with again. Bill (husband) is sooooo ready. I seriously could say lets make a baby now and he would likely drive to my office and attempt to convince me now is the best time to try. I think it is a blessing that I having a husband so excited about being a daddy that he wants another child before I do but honestly live with it for...well...going on about 5 months now and it gets a little old. I seriously can say "oh remember when Emma was that little or cute or whatever" and the automatic response is "Do you wanna make another? " I have decided that I will shock him one day and answer yes to that question whenever I decide I am ready. The question that I am sure you are wondering is when that will be. Hmmmm.....I think I will keep you guessing for now. By the way, I will be posting pictures soon. I just keep forgetting and considering my blog is the 10 minutes at the end of the day (at work no less) that I squeeze in for myself pictures have sort of taken a backseat to my rambling/destressing. So more later...

I have to keep my promise!!!! UGH!

Well I promised on my last post that I would not gripe about anything so I am going to do my best not to but I am right now on hold with Sprint PCS who has taken my online payment twice out of my account on separate days......................Im trying here.

So tomorrow night I am going to go to a Couples night with the married couples at my church. It should be alot of fun. My family is hoping to convince them next year that dancing would be fun too. I think some people in the church might think that dancing can get "out of hand" but considering we are all adult married people I think we could do some dancing without being too risque. Well anyways it should be fun. I am going to be able to dress up for the first time in months. Having a child changes everything and all of you childless people out there dont let people tell you any different. It is definitely overall for the better but in terms of a childless social life that doesnt exist much after kids. The sad part is that for the most part that is okay. It is still important for my husband and I to spend time together but seriously Friday night fun to us (honestly) is us staying home hanging out with our "poopshkins" (Emma). (By the way still holding 10 minutes later with Sprint) It is really a strange thing this whole kid thing. Anyways.... so we are going out for the couples night. It should be fun. We are going to have a nice dinner, play the newleywed game, look at wedding pictures. Im really looking forward to it.
Well I am hoping that Sprint gets on the phone with me soon because I am going to keep my promise! Have a good weekend all!

Passive aggressiveness

Im sure we all have had those friends right. The ones who say words that have underlying meaning. They say things but act like nothing is wrong or use words that would make you think that they really are trying to put you down or express anger or something. Well I deal with many of those people in my life. Oddly enough they seem to be the people who are most near and dear to me. It doesnt always make alot of sense to me why people cant be straightforward with me. My mother was the Queen of Passive Agressive Land (stole that one from Greys Anatomy, my new absolute favorite show). She ruled all the other people of the land called Passive Agressive. She is so passive agressive that when you tell her about other people who are passive aggressive she says with utmost sincerity "well you know no one in this house has ever been that way." I wanted to back away from her for fear that the lightening would hit me too. Or maybe she is just completely unaware of her passive aggression. Well the point of the story is that passive aggression hurts and so all of you people who say you dont do this and do just stop, get to the point, tell how you are truly feeling and make life more bearable for the rest of us. I am not freeing myself of guilt because I too have suffered from this but actually am a recovering aggressor. All I ask is that if you are one of those people, especially a friend of mine and think this may be directed at you it probably is and I am asking you to just tell me things flat out, dont say one thing and mean another because it is pretty likely I can read the underlying meaning anyways so just cut to the chase.

ANYWAYS............I am not doing so well here. 3 posts of which I think 2 have been a gripe fest. No more I say. I commit to the next post being nothing but anti gripe talk. Y'all hold me to it too.

The only other thing I want to add is that God is good and He was with Billy and I yesterday while in court for my husbands Failure to Use His Brain While Driving a Car hearing. He had gotten two tickets for speeding (both 25 over the speed limit) and he had plead guilty with court supervision for the first one so he needed to have no more incidents in 3 months to get the ticket off of his record otherwise they would both go on his record. Approximately 35 days later he received his 2nd ticket. When I asked God for a good husband I never mentioned one who could drive. We decided to go to court and try to put in a mercy plea. That we got. Although we ended up paying $175 for the ticket and court costs we got his supervision extended which was such a blessing. I just have to praise God for that because it truly was mercy that kept us from having to pay a gazillion dollars for insurance if those tickets would have posted to his record. The power of prayer is an amazing thing. I realize that prayer is so much more than just asking for things but this was situation where he truly granted us mercy and I just want to praise him for that.

Well.....Im finally doing it!

So I have been saying to Em for months that I was going to be a blogger but I have yet to get around to it. I am now finally here and ready to ramble aimlessly about my life. This so far is definitely worth it. Aaaaah.....I feel better already. I have needed an outlet to ponder life and with out unwarranted advice and I am glad I found it. My posts will get better I promise but I have to just get used to the idea. Well where to start.....................I am married as you may have read from my profile to Billy, the love of my life and I have a 15 month old daugter Emma Rosemary. She is my pride and joy. I know it is cliche but really, she is. Both my husband and Emma complete my world. They are by far the most amazing gifts from God and I am continually in awe of how he picked them perfectly (I realize everything He does is perfect but still) for me.
Well other things about me. I am right now in the midst of completing a Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology and working full time at Lewis University. One of the benefits of being a full time employee is that tuition is free. Woohoo! I still have 3 classes and 700 practicum/internship hours to complete so I am a long way from finished.
I am also as my profile states a softball junkie. I play on two teams every summer and pretty much begin thinking about the new season the day after New Years Day. Well enough for now. I dont want my initial post to scare people away from coming back because it is boring so I will try this again in a couple days hopefully...............................