Things that I didnt expect in second pregnancy:

-How different this pregnancy is. Who was going to tell me that pregnancy's dont feel the same or not even close. Almost everything for me is different this time around. I could spend a whole blog just listing the things that are different. I had heard that sometimes you will experience "new things" the second time around. This is the same annoying talk that I did not appreciate with the last pregnancy. It is the books, the doctors, the nurses, the older mothers sugar coating things to make them not so scary or making it seem as if this whole pregnancy thing is a walk in the park. I sort of wish that pregnancy information was given by the media. The media is really good for making things much more dramatic and scary then they really are so you can walk away saying hmm that wasnt that bad as opposed to "what the (insert expletive here) just happened to me?! They didnt tell me it would be that way!!"

-How the excitement surrounding the second one isnt as intense. Now I had a few people who were ecstatic to hear about the second child and was really excited for me. I guess I just wasnt expecting some of the reactions to be so indifferent. I think some would have reacted more if I had got a new haircut. I am not upset but more like dang y'all could have acted like I was creating a life inside me! Here is the examples of some of the things I heard after announcing I was pregnant.
"Cool" My husband when I showed him the positive test.

" I heard" almost as good as my Dad's first reaction with Emma of "Is this what you wanted?" Thanks for the support Pops!

"I figured it was coming soon."


"Is this a joke?" My boss. Her main concern likely lying in the fact that I will be on a 3 month maternity leave once again.

"How are you going to manage two?!"

"Why would you go and do something like that...its softball season?!"

My favorite yet was the outright and boldness of a new acquantance/boss from my internship when telling things about ourselves to the large group. I am sitting right next to a first time pregnant mama and she says she is pregnant and then I say I am and the boss lady says "oh great we have two pregnant women but more importantly a first time pregnant mom. It is more exciting when it is your first." I felt myself looking at my belly and inwardly apologizing to this child that I dont feel that it is second best...just second.

-I would not be nearly as pampered by others or myself. Now I have never been one that has needed alot of pampering although I enjoy it. I wasnt like that with my first pregnancy and am in no need of it now, but.... I think I was expecting to have people respect just some of the pregnancy pains and conditions a little bit more. My husband is the main one because he is the only one I expect to be concerned enough. He is the same person who cant understand why I am struggling to keep my eyes open at 8pm at night. Or him just forgetting why me carrying two cases of pop is not the best idea. He just sort of forgets that I am pregnant I think. It may sound difficult but really you have to know him. He also is the same person who opened a bottle of wine on my birthday a couple of weeks ago for me for dinner. It has started to become a little more real gradually for him but not like it is real for me or even close.

-The worrying feeling happens the second time around. I have always been a worrier. I dont think to the annoying level of worrying like because I am an internal worrier. I worry on the inside more than the outside. With my first pregnancy I worried about everything from having certain symptoms to others going away. It was uncharted territory for me so everything was new and wierd and unfamiliar. After having Emma I thought oh the second pregnancy will be a breeze. I will not be nervous I will just take it easy cause I have been here before....WRONG! A whole new pregnancy brings on whole new worries. Now granted I am not nearly as bad but still from the minute you find out you are pregnant that baby becomes yours and you only want what is best for them. It is hard not to think about it. I am okay with that. Id rather be concerned than a parent who is not. I will claim my anxiety this time around as pretty normal.

Update on the neighbor situation..... I am much better. Less guilt. We went over there Friday night and sat with her for a little bit. We brought her a plant, cards with my letter to her, and we told her that we would be making a charitable donation to the fund set up in his honor. I feel much better. Although still very much in shock and feeling lonely and that she is at peace because she truly finds comfort in the Lord. I aspire to feel those same feelings in tragedy. It makes me ask myself do I trust in Him enough?