long time no blog

I havent done this in awhile and I think I know why. I have been so busy in the outside world that I havent had much time to internally contemplate life which is really what my blogs purpose is. More like spewing (I really hate that word) my thoughts out in the form of a written monologue.
The great news!
I am pregnant. About 6 weeks and absolutely nauseous. It hasnt taken me long to remember what it feels like. It is funny that it is really something I wanted and at the right time and everything but there is a little part of me that says you idiot! Why complicate your life any more than it is. Things were beginning to stabilize and now I am feeling crazy again. I must underneath it all enjoy chaos. I have to. There is no other logical explanation. Either way the rest of me is very excited and looking forward to what the future has in store.
The Good news!
Billy's surprise party invitations are out and I am getting lots of RSVP's that people can come. He still has absolutely no idea that it is coming. The plan is that I have already told him that it is has been forever since we had a date so we will go see Pirates of the Carribean which we both really want to see but it just wont happen that night. Then I will tell him right before we leave that my Dad asked if he could stop in to Kosmos to look at some plumbing issue and there everyone will be. I am afraid with his high blood pressure though that he will have a heart attack since he really will be surprised. I keep wanting to slip though because I want to tell him about certain rsvps and stuff. I have to be good because if I pull this off he would be so happy.

The egh news
I think my family is a bunch of lunatics. They are drama filled and I just am overwhelmed by the craziness. They (meaning my mom dad and siblings) I feel like have completely unraveled beyond repair. Talk about chaos. My chaos is normally positive because I am trying to have forward motion in my goals in life. There's relate to true insane chaos because of that freakin club. Things that I care not to mention via blog are going on (ask me in person and I will tell you) and it is just beyond anything I would have ever thought. I dont believe that this club is where my family needs to be because although there is a little more financial stability to lose every part of our family system is never worth it. I'd pick poor over dysfunction any day of the week.

The scary news!!! eek!

This morning I was in my bedroom blowdrying my hair and Emma was sitting on my bed next to Jake the dog. She was looking in the hall way and smiling and sort of mouthing under her breath as if she was talking to someone. Mind you my daughter is not even 2 yet. I said "who is there Emma" she looked at me and then looked down and started playing with Jakes ear almost like she was embarrassed. I continued to look out of the corner of my eye at her and when she thought I wasn't looking again she started playing peekaboo and smiling looking towards the hallway. I said "that is it Emma we are going downstairs." So as I started to walk out the door and down the stairs she started waving and saying bye bye. It seriously freaked me out. I did not go back upstairs and left the house early to get out. Bill's Dad said that his sister was right around this age when she had her imaginary friend started. I really hope that is what it is cause I cant do this with her. I am too freaked out by that kind of thing. My friend and I are going to pray that if it was not her imagination run rampant that it was an angel because if it wasn't my house is up on the market next week.

The Bad news!
I am happy to say there is no really bad news. I hope it stays that way.



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