Im done with animals!

I really am a proud pet owner. I love my dog and cats and consider them much a part of my family. That being said, there is one major difference between my human family and my furry family.......my husband is not generally known to pee on things!!!! I am just so frustrated with animals I dont know what to do with myself. My cat has decided that the litterbox is no longer a great place to pee so now my clean clothes have become the new peepee spot. At 35 weeks pregnant having to carefully handle cat pee which requires me bending down sniffing clothing and pulling out the pee clothing is more than I am willing to take right now. I am at the moment feeling incredibly irritated by this situation and wondering how much patience do I truly have for this. The cats had a problem when we first moved into the house of peeing on things but it has been many many months if not years that we have had an actual problem with animal "mess." Some people are more patient with this than others but for me this is like my all time most hated situation. I cant keep up with laundry as it is but then to have to wash it over and over again because an animal cant seem to find the litterbox....unacceptable. Im not going to kick her out yet but post baby if we are still dealing with this than I cant make any guarantees because I will be running on zero sleep and post pregnancy hormone changes so all feline friends watch out!

Other happenings.....Bill's cousin Iza had her baby! I give her much credit being that she turned 40 this year and was blessed with a little pleasant surprise of being pregnant. So now the age span between her oldest and youngest child...18 years!!! She is really excited though and has always wanted another daughter. Yay for her!
Although it may have something to do with the fact that I am 35 weeks pregnant but I am definitely not seeing myself thinking new baby at the age of 40. By that time I want to be well into the high school years for my children. God will have to truly "intervene" to allow me to get pregnant at 40.

If you happen to be noticing the timestamp on this post you will realize that I am writing this at 1:30am. Now if you know me, you know that if I am not sleeping by 10:30 that is considered staying up late to me so I definitely have something going on. I regretfully have to write that my Grandpa passed away this evening. I actually just got back from the hospital and was unable to sleep so I am writing. I wasn't there when he actually passed but arrived about an hour later. It was surreal in that there he was laying lifeless and yet somehow he didnt seem gone. If you know me you also know that I dont do dead things very well everything from humans to goldfish. I will never understand wakes because the idea that people act like there isnt a dead body laying in the room is just something I cant understand well at all. Well there I was standing with the majority of my siblings my mom, dad, uncle and grandma in the room with my Grandpa as he laid in the same bed he was living and breathing in just over an hour before. Initially it was very hard and emotional to say the least then it just got quiet almost eerie kind of quiet, then it went to talking about what the next steps would be. I couldnt help but feel as though standing over his body talking about his funeral arrangements and deciding what "he would have wanted" was just wierd. I felt sort of trapped in a way because I felt that everyone needed to deal with it the way they needed to but at one point noone was even looking at him anymore it was like the whole wake situation. I needed an escape because for me I was very much still mourning and although they were too it became a discussion and time to reminisce. Again dead body in the room...could we please discuss in the hallway or something. Maybe I am just too emotional being pregnant and all to even dicuss this but I just can't help but think that no matter what death is always going to have the sad component but it will also always have the awkward component. Likely because people dont deal with it daily so that may explain it.
Along with that I have to mention that the women in my family are cursed or at least the first born daughters. Whether it is a curse or a blessing is yet to be understood by me but my mother lost all four of her grandparents within a month of giving birth to her 4 of her children. I am now following that same pattern being that I am a few weeks away from delivering my 2nd child and have lost my grandfather and with my daughter I lost my grandmother 5 weeks after she was born. I guess for some reason I must handle emotional turmoil in huge chunks better than a little at a time because I really dont know otherwise how to take this message from God. I really am having a hard time knowing which end is up right now. I am just going to end this blog praising God and in a way it is my reminder that in all things He is glorified. It is His faithfulness to me that I know that through my pain he will bless me and my family in ways that I cant fathom now.

I havent posted in months and although it seems to be that I tend to post infrequently in general this is an exceptionally long time for me to not to run my mouth via blog.

Not a whole lot has happened since my last post. I am still pregnant although the clock is ticking away at 11 weeks remaining. So far I am further along in my pregnancy without complications or worries. At 28 weeks with my daughter they had been thinking she could have some problems because she had assymmetrical growth and was measuring small overall. I understand it was all precautionary but it still scared me and it ended up being all over nothing thank God! She ended up healthy and happy....just smaller then most kids her age but what she lacks in size she makes up for in strong personality. In her own words..Im the boss! Right now it is cute to hear her say but I can only imagine in even a year from now how "Im the boss" is going to be challenge words that end in many timeouts for my little one.
This pregnancy however is very much different in terms of feeling pregnant. My first pregnancy I was very much energized and I remained active for the whole 9 months. This pregnancy I hurt more. Everything hurts. I stand up and I am sure my guts are going to fall out. I move the wrong way and I get a cramp, if baby2 is kicking I am likely to spasm wherever that foot, elbow, head seems to hit. I dont sleep and feel as full all the time as I do after Thanksgiving dinner. I just dont remember feeling so.....pregnant with Emma. Most people say that I seem to be "popping out" more this time around and for many factors I am sure. They say you show more your second time, plus I lost alot of weight after my last one...granted I put a bit back on but I am still smaller than I was, and this baby is already measuring much much bigger then Emma was at this stage. All these factors I am sure play a huge role in my appearance. I still feel as though I have a long way to go and I remember feeling this but with my daughter it was like 3 weeks till my due date and I felt these things. With this one I am still 11 weeks out from my due date and am wondering how in the world I will make it till then. Either way baby has some more cookin' to do so I am not wishing labor at this point at all. Just hoping that by baby #3 I will have found a cureall for pregnancy ailments...thus far no luck.

Other things... have you ever had a piece of clothing that was doomed from the time you purchased it. I have had a few but it seems when you are in a desperate clothing situation it only gets worse.....let me explain. I buy a shirt from Motherhood maternity. It was on clearance and although motherhood is not my favorite store to shop in because of their lack of selection (understatement) of plus size maternity clothing I decided to try it in a fashion emergency. Well I found the shirt, loved the shirt and had to try it on. It was the only one in my size and being on clearance no chance their was going to be another one. I went to try it on and as I am putting it on I hear a stitch pop. Now it wasnt that the shirt was too small it just happened to be that I pushed my arm too far out...ladies you know what I am talking about, either way I should have taken it as the first sign of doom. So I check for damages and all is good no tears or rips. I admire how cute the shirt is and realize that I have not felt good in an item of clothing in months so I buy it without hesitation. Take it home and without washing it put it on and wear it to church. Great. Take it home that night and wash it. Everything is fine at this point up until I take it out of the dryer. Somehow I have gotten what looks like a rust stain on the shirt small but in a noticeable spot. I scramble frantically through the rest of the dryer thinking all of my clothes have this on it but luckily just my favorite shirt. This is all about 15 minutes before I leave for work. I go brush my teeth and in the midst of brushing my teeth and making sure my daughter is brushing her teeth I spill toothpaste on it. I am now scurrying for another shirt. I have not worn this shirt now in weeks and figured I would give it one more try rust stain and all. I wear it to work today and loving the cuteness of the shirt and my luck...I spill juice from a roast beef sandwich on it which is also in a most noticeable spot. Yep grease stain. I feel like it was not meant to be for this shirt and I. I have now worn the shirt once without flaw (minus the invisible stitch pop) but every other time I have worn it it has failed me or I have failed it. Pointless story I know but being as hormonal as I am I feel like this shirt situation has triggered emotions in me that I didnt know I had for apparel. Anyways. This story alone will probably be the reason people stop reading my blog entirely.

If you are not interested in hearing me brag dont read on....

Okay so I am dedicating this post to bragging on my daughter. Yesterday was officially her 2nd birthday and I am just constantly in awe of how quickly these kids grow up. It is sort of unfair in a way that they grow up and we cant stop it or slow it down it just happens. 2 years flew for me. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was putting a nursery together preparing for this little life and now we are getting ready to move her out of that same nursery to a "big girl room." Those who have new babies, do your best to not miss a moment because although it doesnt feel like it you will forget what it was like to hold that little one in your arms or hear their little newborn cry or remember which tooth came in first. It just fades so hold on and cherish that time.
Okay that was my service announcement for the day but what I really am writing about is to brag. As stated in the title if you dont want to hear me brag about my little girl then dont read on but this is my opportunity to not annoy all of my family and friends with being proud. I am just going to blog it all out. At the ripe age of two my daughter knows all of her colors and basic shapes, she can sing the ABC's and can count to 14 sometimes 16 if she is paying attention. She can speak in pretty clear short sentences and can tell you how many of something there is just by looking at it in amounts up to 4. If you show her most any letter of the alphabet she can tell you something that starts with it and if her name or her cousins name is on paper she can tell you that it say their name. She repeats or attempts to repeat every word that someone says and can understand long commands. She has an amazing memory. I attribute this to my memory because her father cant retain anything but trivial knowledge and sports statistics but memory is something I have that is pretty good. She can sing many songs (songs that we dont even know but they are on the shows she watches). If you have ever seen a kids choir she is one of the kids who has to do all of the movements right and at the right time. She is very particular about this. As for motor skills she can jump up and have both feet off the ground, she can clap in rhythm which I find to be awesome because I know adults that cant do this, she is an awesome little dancer and spends Tuesday nights attempting to do the same thing that the people on Dancing with the Stars are doing. People who I run into, strangers and family constantly seem impressed by her ability to count and speak and just her general skills at this point. I was given a website by my sister in law pbsparents.org which talks about child development at each age and she is doing most stuff in the 3-4 range.
I try my best to not brag alot because honestly know one wants to hear it and that is just not a typical thing for me but I cant help but putting it in writing how amazing it is to watch your child grow and how blessed I am to have a healthy active and bright child. I have to thank her other caregivers for working with her and keeping her in mentally stimulating environment that allows her to continuously learn. Sometimes she comes home and she knows stuff that I didn't even know she had a clue about.
Those who decided to keep reading thanks for bearing with me. If feels good to write it all out because if anything I can save this post so that I will remember that on 2nd birthday these were things that she knew. Thanks again for reading the writings of a proud Mama!

For those of you keeping tabs yes....it is been awhile since my last post. I dont even have an excuse at this point. Topic for today: To listen or not to listen. Yes my issue is that I feel God calling me to do something drastic and I am having trouble following through. I keep waiting on this and that to happen then I will listen. It is outright disobedience. I feel like I prayed hard for clarity and have received it in several forms and yet I cant seem to trust enough to take the next step. I have actually opened my ears, heart, and mind enough to listen and now I just have to act. I feel God has given a grace period on this situation. He has subtly tapped me on the shoulder for several months but now the taps are becoming nudges and are turning into light smacks....I am afraid of what comes next.
Although I have spoke rather vaguely, friends/readers, pray for me. Pray that I get my act together and recognize that disobedience ain't okay and that God has in store for many more blessings if I just listen and stop trying to handle things by myself. Thanks.

More later......

Anyone who knows me knows that I am NOT a fan of home school. I believe that education has more to do with reading books and knowing your multiplication tables. It is the social atmosphere that is important. It is important for my children to experience what is out there in the world and have authority figures other than myself and my husband. I am not writing though about that topic at the moment but the fact that where I was 99% sure no home school for me, I am now rethinking that percentage.
I am absolutely appalled and downright scared to send my children to school if this trend of school violence continues. All over the news there is school shooting after school shooting and now the problem doesnt only lie with the "loner rebel kids" but in adults who are taking advantage of a vulnerable population and slaying them in the place where they should be able to focus on education and envisioning their bright little futures. I am so upset by this that I seriously am wondering what the next 3 years will bring for schools before my child is in them. I will have to evaluate the situation at the time and figure out what to do. It is sad but it is my hope that when Emma reaches elementary school that there are security guards and metal detectors within the school. That will likely be as if not more important than the curriculum for me. Lets just all be prayerful for our school system because this is truly a crisis situation. A child should never have to worry about his/her safety while sitting in a classroom nor should a parent have to wonder whether their child will make it home that day.

Im pretty sure I have bronchitis. I seem to be sort of prone to it because I have had it about 3 times in the last 8 years. I am not sure if it is related to my allergies and post nasal drip (soory about the grossness) or if it was the smokey bar that I was in on Sunday for the Bears game (major no no for bronchitis and pregnancy). I tried to stay away from it but as more people came it got worse. I seriously have no motivation to be sick. I am actually angry that I have bronchitis because I want to feel good after spending the whole first trimester of pregnancy feeling bad. I can understand why the chronically ill are so cranky (my own observation). It sucks feeling sick all the time. It is a major downer. I am really excited about big premiere night though. My class was cancelled so that means I will be able to watch primetime television this evening. Im really looking forward to it.